I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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