Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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