my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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