I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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