my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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