the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
