Who wears a wallet chain?!
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
did you just send me my own nude
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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