she was so not down for the gang bang
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize