he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
soo... how was my night?
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