walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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