There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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