Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
