i don't like sucking hair
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Randomize
