Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize