Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
