i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
BRING THE BAGELS
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
