i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
