ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize