Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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