Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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