So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
