Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I smell stomach acid.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Let's paint friendship bongs
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
