Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
