she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
