his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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