Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
