turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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