Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
