Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
