my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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