I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
