Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
