just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
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