New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
