WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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