Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
