sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
