when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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