i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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