I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
