You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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