as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
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