Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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