Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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