He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
