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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.

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• (417): View more from Missouri

  you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up

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• (850): View more from Florida

  It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.

  (1-413): View more from Massachusetts

  A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.

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• (+31): View more from The Netherlands

  Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend

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• (479): View more from Arkansas

  DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

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• (904): View more from Florida

  Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.

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• (212): View more from New York

  I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.

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• (906): View more from Michigan

  On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”

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