I puked a lego.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
This is my gift to your gina
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
