note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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