bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I think I just sharted jello shots
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