Quick, to the slutcave!
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
