what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I have aggressive nipples.
COCAINE IS GR8
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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