You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
