dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
