Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
