so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
