So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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