I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
