so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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