im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
