You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
