They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
