I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
