She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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