I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize