Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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