the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
