Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
