Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
