I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
