I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
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