Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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