i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
