She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
