I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
